PjChamp's Xanga

En Route...

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 08:20:13 GMT

Hello my xanga dears,

I've decided that while I will be studying abroad this coming semester,
I will be writing on blogspot under http://pjenroute.blogspot.com/
(get it? Pj en route? yes, yes...)

No, I'm not leaving xanga. I'll be updating here sparsely during this coming semester, but in no way shape or form am I gone. The travel blog is specifically for those who want to read of my traveling tales and such. I'll be posting videos, pictures, and artwork that I create so it'll be a fun new thing to do!

anyways, if you're interested please visit! I'm going to try to update often. I'll be leaving on the 24th first to London, then Paris, then Rome.

See you all later, loves!

Paula

p.s. I don't know why I'm up this late/early either. just another sleepless night.

why, hello

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 00:22:44 GMT

well well well.

how my life has changed since my last post.

I'm 21, I am very much employed, my computer completely crapped out on me, I started an application to the Peace Corps, I saw Ben Harper perform, and I will be leaving the country in a month.

I am a Graphic Design Intern at a signage company. However, my title is actually now "Project Supervisor".I do a lot of pretty un-creative but interesting and important stuff, and this is supposed to be my last week... I might have an extension. All in all, I have enjoyed my very tiring last 6 weeks and 2 days.

Me and my computer had a fight. we both lost.

I am starting to think about post-graduation plans. I know I definitely want to move. Probably pretty far away. I'm thinking California or Arizona. Maybe work, maybe graduate school. Or, leaving the country and doing a mission trip or the peace corps for a few years. I'm starting to do some research. There are so many things I am interested in and want to do with my life....

I'm finally starting to look at Rome prep materials. We booked our trains and flights for traveling around europe before school starts and I got my visa and all of that, and things are looking on the up and up. I'm excited, but it still hasn't reaaally hit me.

I saw Ben Harper, and I haven't been the same ever since. His songs, especially his old ones are sooo sad but so deep and really tug at my heartstrings... It's possibly dangerous how much I have submerged myself in his music. But I love it.

Emotionally, I actually feel very...eh....meh. But I'm trying to keep that on the inside.

I'm thinking of moving my blog to blogspot. I love xanga, and always will and always said i'd never leave you!
But sometimes, you have to move on.
Some times you have to turn over leaves.
Sometimes, you just have to...grow up.

I am not even close to the person I was when I started this xanga, and either I will completely re-design my page or move onto another place... I'm unsure. I'm also thinking of getting a new youtube account.
It'll be about my travels.

I've been playing a lot of guitar as of late, and have recently purchased a Capo. I love it.

And I love you.

"They say if you love somebody you have got to set them free,
But I would rather be locked to you
than love in this pain and misery"
-Ben Harper, ofcourse.

It's a long and winding road...

Sat, 23 May 2009 21:16:53 GMT

Hey there.

I've noticed that the only people who make somewhat frequent updates are Brandon and Nick...so hey guys, if you're reading things. I appreciate the fact that you two are still bloggin'. I'm getting back in the game...watch out.

SUMMER!

Summer

Summer

summer.

summer....

After internship upon internship fell through or were filled with people other than me...
I began to realize that I was going to be quite unemployed.

I recently decided to apply to the summer camp in Michigan my brother is working at this summer.

If that is also an epic fail, I'll be searching for random retail or receptionist jobs.

Onto something with much more substance and interest...

My last post? scratch that. People let you down, it's what they do best.

While I play the waiting game, I'm preparing for Rome in the Fall. By preparing, I really mean throwing half of my crap away. I have an unsettling amount of worldly possessions.

It hasn't gotten to the point that I am yet excited about Rome. It doesn't even really seem quite real. It's something I've been waiting for...for so long. I can't believe it's almost here. I've always wanted to travel the world.

There's just a few months to separate me from then.

Instead of wanting these months to fly by, I want to make the most of them.

We'll see how that pans out.

Any suggestions?

Falling, slowly...

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 01:00:25 GMT

Hello xanga.

I've been missing you.

My life is interesting, and it's about to get even more interesting. The end of the semester is nigh, and I'll be missing some of the people I hold dearest to me. The question is, does this have to change things? Is it possible to maintain relationships with people over a great distance?

My answer? I know it will change things. There's no way it can't. However, I think it can work if both people are invested in the said relationship.

As a practicing pessimist, my first answer would be that it is near impossible for two people to work it out in such an early stage of the relationship over a distance. However, I am also a practicing believer in God... and that part in me gives me faith. That part in me tells me that it is possible. That part in me tells me that if it is supposed to happen, it will in fact happen.

It can happen. It can work. I know it can. I just hope he wants it as much as I do.

fight over flight

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 00:31:48 GMT

Just when everything seemed to seem better, everything just came crashing down.
Christmas break was going well, I enjoyed spending tons of time with my family, and I finally got to see some friends too. But then something happened. I won't get into details about what exactly because it's not my details to broadcast over the internet, but I just ask that you keep my brother Chris in your prayers. My family too. I'm scared, worried, sad...all of the above. I don't know of anything else to do but to lift him up in prayer. My usual instinct when dealing with tough situations is to run. But this time, I'm choosing fight over flight. We're going to get through this. He's going to get through this. With God's help, I know we will.

....

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 01:22:29 GMT

I'm struggling with motivation.

and I'm not sure how to cure it.

Papercut

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 06:18:04 GMT

1. Put your MP3/iPod on shuffle.
2. Answer each question with the title of the song that comes up. Don't skip it just because it sounds weird or doesn't make sense.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Barry Bonds (by Kanye)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
The Evolution of C (Ciara)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
I owe it all to you (Tonex)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
I know it was the Blood (Fred Hammond...amen!)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Breath In (Frou Frou)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
My Love (Justin Timberlake...sweet)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
18 (Mario...whaaat?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Sexy Daddy (Destinys Child...awkward...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Hips Don't like (Shakira... haha, yes please.)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Wanna Love you girl (Robin thicke..alright)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
This Ruined Puzzle (Dashboard...sad.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
My Heart Depends on You (Shea Norman...wow, also sad.)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Honeybear (yeah yeah yeah's... awww)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Staple it Together (Jack Johnson)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Gotta Get You (Tyrese...awkward)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Watch What you Say to Me (T.I.)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I'm addicted to you (simple plan...wow that's a big secret.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
The Kill (30 Seconds to Mars...awkward..)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Belle (Jack Johnson)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Dragon Days (Alicia Keys...wow cool, I'm dying in a dragon war!)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Switch (Will Smith)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Love Heals (Rent soundtrack)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
I Find it Hard to Say (Lauryn Hill... very guarded, very appropriate)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Dancing Queen (Abba...does this mean yes?)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Don't Forget me (Red hot chilli peppers)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Fill Me in (Craig David...really, let me know!)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Half Crazy (musiq)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Magnify (Marvin Sapp)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Papercut (Linkin Park)

"I will not rest until my every word...

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 14:21:45 GMT

...brings glory to your name."

I've been evaluating the way I speak to people and how the things I say edify God and effect people. I feel that I am not very cautious or conscious of the things I let escape my mouth. I have the desire for everything I say to give glory unto God, but I make little or no effort to make that happen. I'm going to try to write down everything I say today and analyze it. All that I do, all that I say should be for Christ and I fear that by my words I have been saying people will think the complete opposite. I want to love not for myself, but for God. I want to speak not for myself..but for God.

Dear God, you are good in all that you do. Your power is greater than I could ever imagine. Please cleanse me and the things that I say. Please let the words from my mouth glorify you. Please let my every word and every action be said and done to edify your holy name.

"I live for you" -True Vibe

I was lost in darkness
Never knowing where to turn
I thought I had all the answers
But I had so much to learn
Like a child I had gone astray
Trying to make it on my own

Like a father You embraced me
And You showed the way back home Now
that I know the truth that you proclaim
I will keep trusting You to fill me
up ‘til only You remain
And I will not rest until my every
word brings glory to Your name
With all that I am, all that I do,

I live for You Only You could save me
From the debt I had to pay
So now I want to tell the world
The difference You have made
You have changed the way I live and love
And made my heart brand new
Now that we are joined together
I know I’m nothing without You

So happy...

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 00:15:43 GMT

Change....

I am a heartfelt supporter of our future president, Barack Obama. Not just because he's black. Not just because he's a democrat (which I'm not... I'm moderate). And not just because he's not old and decrepit. While my support of him his because of a various amount of his views (mostly except for abortion) as well as his strong beliefs and astounding integrity and humility . . .

while I voted for Him for reasons OTHER than race...I'm so so so happy and shocked that our generation would see this momentous and historic moment. I doubt many of my readers will truly understand what this means to me and other African Americans. I was literally on the verge of tears when I first heard, and all this morning I have been bawling my eyes out. On the way to class, in class, whatever. My parents, my grandparents, my greats and great greats and great great greats...and *I* have fought for something like this to happen for so long. While America is far from cured of this poisonous racism that has been eating away at our country for so long, this gives me a glimmer of hope. I know anything is possible through Jesus Christ my Lord, but this really made me feel that I could truly be anything and anyone I wanted to be. Everyday it seems like a race fight, every day it's a struggle... but we can overcome. I can overcome.... through Christ.

I don't know what change will come of this. I know Obama will face some very rough times. He's come in at a very difficult time in America. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. I don't even know how much power he really will even have over changing things...but these things I do know. I know that I have hope. I know that I feel a little bit stronger. I know that I will never forget yesterday. I know that I have not ever felt more proud or happy to be an American. I know more than anything that I have faith in God.

I urge you to continue to pray for our country and our future President Barack Obama.

Silver lining...

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 06:24:26 GMT

I went home this weekend. I had fantasies of simply spending ample amounts of time with family and friends, getting my car all tuned up, and getting all my work done.

I felt like everything fell apart.

My car (technically the car Chris and I own)? Literally falling apart. leaks where it shouldnt, and coolant is starting to seep into the engine. Nooooot a good thing. apparently $3,000 dollars to fix because its so labor intensive. I don't have 3 G's. Heck, I dont have 1 to spend. Even if I had it, I'm not going to pay that much for a car that is probably not even worth that much anymore. When I was 14 I decided I wanted to by my own car when I was older. So I saved. My brother and I together saved around 5 thousand dollars together and we purchased a vehicle less than 2 years later. I was 15, almost 16 without a license and with a car that I earned with my own money. This seemed like such a big accomplishment. This was almost 5 years ago. We've had this car for 4 and half years, and it has been good to us. Never had any major problems (just shelled out money here and there for gas and minor under $1000 problems), and considering it's not exactly the nicest car in the world it looked cool and clean and got us from A to B. We alternated years we would have her when we went off to college, and shared her when we were at home. We named her Tranelle, because it was a mix of Chris' and my middle names. Now all that we worked for...is gone. Now all the money I had...we had... is gone. and what's left? A car at home that will go out soon. I feel like my child is on it's deathbed. I feel broke and broken and sad without a way to transport myself. This bad news put a damper on my weekend, and sucked out time and energy that I needed.

My project? I apparently extremely underestimated the time it took to work on it. I worked on my project almost non stop from noon until 4am. I had to tell loved ones I couldn't hang out with them and I felt horrible for it. Simply aweful. There aren't many things worst than the feeling of letting down the friends you love (sorry ryanne, sorry brandon...). I honestly didn't forsee it taking that long. No, this isn't because of procrastination. I was actually right on schedule, but it's so time consuming and work intensive. Not only did I have a project due on monday (that I still wasn't finished with by 4am mind you) I ALSO had a test in communications law, the class I am doing awful in. So basically, I was screwed. I worked from 10-am to midnight the next day (sunday) on finishing and printing my design project and studying for my law test. I spent Saturday and Sunday doing work with almost no spare time. I had everything done... at the end... but the sleep deprivation? taking a toll on me. My entire body is aching, and I just feel completely worn out. Not to mention, I'm sad I didn't get to hang out with some of my friends a bit more.

Next time?

Next time.

don't forget to vote tomorrow.

Love,

Me.

P.S. Oh, the silver lining. I have the sneaking suspicion that my car acting up save my life. If I would have stayed up ridiculously and then proceeded to go on a 5.5 hr ride I could have killed myself. And I wouldn't have gotten everything done...
Also, when I did hang out with my friends it was fun. I really miss them. And although it sucked that I couldn't see them more, I received the opportunity to spend more time bonding with my parents.

I miss when life was easy and I did was fingerpaint and talk gibberish.